Simen Beck – Wonders of Traveling

Deprecated: Required parameter $is_script follows optional parameter $list in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 21 Deprecated: Required parameter $handle follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 45 Deprecated: Required parameter $src_cdn follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 45 Deprecated: Required parameter $deps follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 45 Deprecated: Required parameter $ver follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 45 Deprecated: Required parameter $footer_or_media follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 45 Deprecated: Required parameter $handle follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 104 Deprecated: Required parameter $src_cdn follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 104 Deprecated: Required parameter $deps follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 104 Deprecated: Required parameter $ver follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 104 Deprecated: Required parameter $footer_or_media follows optional parameter $register in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php on line 104 Deprecated: Required parameter $path follows optional parameter $expire in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_functions.php on line 54 Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php:21) in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/onecom-vcache/vcaching.php on line 614 Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php:21) in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/onecom-vcache/vcaching.php on line 622 Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-content/plugins/redux-framework/ReduxCore/inc/class.redux_cdn.php:21) in /customers/5/a/f/wondersoftraveling.com/httpd.www/wp-includes/feed-rss2.php on line 8 Simen Beck – Wonders of Traveling https://www.wondersoftraveling.com welcome to the world of an ex-world traveller Sat, 15 Sep 2018 02:44:20 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.4 https://usercontent.one/wp/www.wondersoftraveling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/cropped-logo4-32x32.png Simen Beck – Wonders of Traveling https://www.wondersoftraveling.com 32 32 It’s not me, it’s you https://www.wondersoftraveling.com/2018/09/15/its-not-me-its-you/ https://www.wondersoftraveling.com/2018/09/15/its-not-me-its-you/#comments Sat, 15 Sep 2018 02:31:56 +0000 http://www.wondersoftraveling.com/?p=1528 I’ve been doing some soul searching lately. Wondering if it’s me there’s something wrong with. Jolene calls me a hater. Is she right?

I had always pinned Ecuador as the country I was least likely to like. Why? I don’t know, it just never seemed like a nice destination. And I was right.

The thing is, I liked Mexico. I loved Cuba. They were not flawless, but I still had an overall nice time. Ecuador was different. It was horrible. Not nice at all. Worse than expected.

It’s hard to point to what exactly is wrong when you hate everything. But here’s some pointers at least:

Quito

I’m a sucker for big cities. The sights. The bars. The restaurants. Just wandering the streets “absorbing the city” or whatever they say on travel blogs. #wanderlust etc. So you’d think I’d like Quito then? I didn’t. I absolutely hated it. Worst capital I’ve ever been to.

Why? It’s hard to point to one exact thing. I had some issues with the high altitude which obviously didn’t help either. Also, the sights and attractions are pretty damn boring there.

But the main problem is that Quito isn’t considered “safe” for tourists. All the research you find online say the same: Quito is relatively unsafe, be aware, avoid being out after dark, don’t show off any signs of money, walk in groups, avoid certain neighbourhoods, don’t take the city bus etc.

Even the official tourist app for Quito provides a guide for tourist to stay safe. Now I do realise that the situation probably isn’t that bad, but if the alternative is being stabbed in the neck I’d rather be safe than sorry.

So what’s the option? It’s taking taxis everywhere. And in Quito, Mr. Big City, they even have Uber. That’s better than Norway for example, so I was pretty happy right away. A few problems though: for starters, taking taxis everywhere is an awful way of exploring a city.

And yes, I do see the irony that a lazy piece of shit like myself is complaining about having to take taxis. Trust me, I do. It’s just a dreadful way of exploring a place. The stuff between destination A and B is usually what makes a city cool. The journey is more important than the destination, if you want to sound like a Facebook inspirational quote. But the main issue is just how useless the Ecuadorian Uber drivers are.

All over the world, Uber is a fool-proof system. Not in Quito. Maybe the GPS network is different here. Maybe the Ecuadorians don’t know the difference between left and right. We’re talking about the country that put up a massive “theme park” to mark the equator line, the centre of the earth, but got the coordinates wrong and built it all hundreds of meters off.

Cool monument – shame it’s in the wrong place

Anyway, I digress. When you order an Uber in Quito it’s a) minimum 10 minutes too late and b) it will AT BEST park two streets away from where you are. Every single time.

I don’t think we got picked up at the right location once. It was always a few streets down. When you watch them drive past on the app you just assume they will turn and come back. They don’t. They just stop in a random side street forcing you to walk over. When dropping you off, they usually ask “Is OK to stop here?” a little while away from where you asked to be dropped off. “Considering that is not the destination I entered in the app, that would be a no from me.”

It seems like a minor detail, but I use (and pay for) Uber exactly for the convenience of being picked up right where I am. How hard can it possibly be to follow instructions? YOUR PHONE LITERALLY TELLS YOU WHEN TO TAKE A TURN. Just take a left when your mobile tells you to take a left. How are you able to fuck up the simplest system in the world? It’s baffling.

So that’s boring Quito and its useless taxi system. Which didn’t even annoy me even in the slightest as much as the next point:

The food

Jesus. Christ. I thought Cuba was a culinary wasteland. I was wrong. When we got to Quilotoa we were so happy to finally try the “almuerzo” we’d read so much about. It’s basically a starter, a main and a drink for +/- $3.50. I know you can’t expect much for that price, but is it too much to ask that the food you’re served tastes something, anything?

Then we sit down for dinner, and what do we get? The exact same menu. And the next day for lunch? The only thing available for lunch is almuerzo. And dinner. And lunch. You get the picture. It’s like a modern-day Groundhog Day, caught in a almuerzo hell for all eternity (three days). Imagine a dry, unseasoned overcooked chicken with rice and no sauce. That’s every meal in Ecuador.

We also tried the local delicacy guinea pig. Yes, guinea pig. It’s not as bad as you might think, but still extremely chewy. Anyway, you get the idea about the food situation in a country that considers this to be a delicacy.

The breakfasts are not much better. Unless dry bread and bland scrambled eggs tickle your fancy of course. Regardless of where you go, the food is awful. There’s no flavour, no sauce and no condiments. Nothing tastes like anything.

We tried all kinds of non-local cuisines the few times we had the chance, but the result is always the same: bland as hell. I think I broke the record for “worst meal ever” at least four times in Ecuador.

I’m no food snob, but you would barely serve this kind of food in prison. This is fucking awful. If you served this as a last meal on death row the prisoner would most likely take the needle immediately.

And don’t come here and tell me “that’s just the way it is in South America”. I’ve been in Peru for five days now and every meal has been lovely. Fresh, juicy, flavourful, enjoyable. They even have their own almuerzo (which is awesome). So this one’s on you, Ecuador.

Hostal Conejito / Quilotoa

Jolene already touched on how Hostal Conejito is an awful place that everyone should avoid. We paid $40 per night, which is a LOT by Ecuadorian standards. Needless to say, expectations were high. What meets us? The coldest, saddest looking room I’ve ever seen. It was absolutely freezing. Which they must know since they provided eight blankets.

You could feel the breeze coming from the window. You could FEEL the wind. Inside the room. We built what could best be described as a pillow fort using clothes, blankets and pillows to cover the cracks. The blanket we hung over the window rose up like the sail on a ship whenever the wind blew (which was constantly).

The toilet was freezing, and get this: There was no toilet seat. I’m paying $40 per night and I have to squat to take a shit? I waited 5 minutes for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me I was Punk’d before I went to ask for a heater. The landlady laughed like that was a stupid question to ask for in a room with less than 10 degrees. The best she could do was another blanket, but considering we already had eight I (not so) politely declined and asked for a new room.

The second room luckily had no window. It says it all when “no window” is considered to be a positive thing. The toilet seat was a nice touch, while the lack of warm water was not. The room was also right in the living room, next to the kitchen. I’m not sure what the worst thing to come out of there was: the food or the noise.

So we got three nights of sleeping with thermal underwear, hats and jumpers. We got three nights of eating the worst food we’ve ever had. We got three nights of listening to South American telenovelas and the screaming of a little kid with some serious mommy issues. We got three nights of ice cold water. And the power went out several times. In short: we got three nights of hell. We’d obviously a lot earlier if it wasn’t prepaid and our bus schedule was awfully timed.

Also, Ecuador isn’t anywhere near as cheap as you’d think. The bang for your buck is awful here, and much, much worse than in Peru.

Other things I didn’t like here: the altitude, the (lack of) sights, the coffee, the shower temperatures, the food. Did I mention the food?

This didn’t work out Ecuador, and I’m blaming you. I’m moving on and never looking back.

]]> https://www.wondersoftraveling.com/2018/09/15/its-not-me-its-you/feed/ 2 Thoughts on Cuba (and their bus system) https://www.wondersoftraveling.com/2018/08/19/cuba-bus-system/ https://www.wondersoftraveling.com/2018/08/19/cuba-bus-system/#comments Sun, 19 Aug 2018 03:45:13 +0000 http://www.wondersoftraveling.com/?p=1374 Cuba. The land of communism, Castro and Che. Cigars, classic cars and cool cats.

Unlike Mexico, you get warned about plenty of things before you go to Cuba. (And unlike Mexico, you can actually flush the toilet). You get warned about their crazy two-currency system, which is actually very straightforward.

You get warned about the lack of English. And it’s true they barely speak English. If Jolene wasn’t speaking Spanish I’d have una cerveza for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But it’s hard to fault a country for not speaking my language.

You get warned about the lack of internet, but that’s Cuba’s biggest strength and probably the main reason why everyone is so damn happy. And my Fantasy team has never done better, so I’m not complaining.

I like Cuba. In fact, I’d go as far as saying I love Cuba. It’s a great country full of great people. Cuba is a happy place. It’s laidback. It’s effortless.

But even the cool guys got flaws. Some are hard to find, some are blatantly obvious. One of the obvious ones is the bus system. In Cuba they get around on anything that moves: bikes, cars, horses, bulls and goats. Yes, goats. Goats and carriage. That’s probably more efficient than their bus system anyway. But let’s focus on the bus system for now.

A waiting game

In some countries a bus schedule is just a ballpark figure, a rough estimate of when the bus normally shows up. It can be 5, 10 or 25 minutes late, but at least you’re not that far off if you show up to the scheduled time.

Cuba is nothing like that. The bus schedule isn’t even a guideline. It’s just a number they have to put on the wall to justify calling themselves a bus company.

To be fair we were warned about the slow-moving transport system, but the same blogs always mention how Viazul, the “fancy”, “tourist friendly” bus is usually “pretty reliable”. I guess fancy doesn’t mean much in a country where goats are seen in traffic.

We figured we’d take our chances and take the bus to Vinales. Since there’s not really an online booking option, you have to go there in person and book yourself like some sort of Amish.

“Sorry, it’s full for tomorrow. And the day after. And the next three days after that”. Fair enough, we just flip the whole itinerary then. We’re easy. We got our ticket for another city the following day.

Our Spanish housekeeper spoke twice as many English words as I speak Spanish, and since neither of those six words involves anything about clocks and/or taxis we arrived at the bus station 90 minutes before scheduled departure. No problem, I’ll just boss Candy Crush while I wait. I don’t even mind if the bus is a little late.

Was it 10 minutes late? Nope. 25 minutes? I wish. 50 minutes? Go fish. Surely not more than an hour? Oh yes. An hour and 20? Go long. One hour 45? Just give up. The bus was a solid two hours and seven minutes late. TWO HOURS. On top of the 90 minutes we arrived early. Happy days.

You think there was any information and/or apologies while we waited? None at all, just business as usual in Cuba. Had we known it was gonna be that long we could’ve gone and sampled some local food. Instead we had water and biscuits while waiting. Here in this culinary wasteland that kind of amounts to the same thing anyway.

Me with Cuba’s most efficient means of transport

Reserve, not book…

So the first day in Varadero we go straight to the bus station to book our tickets to the next town. “Sorry, reservations are closed for tomorrow. If you show up one hour early there’s probably some tickets left”.

One hour early would mean 06:25. “How about the day after then?”. Same thing. Reservations are full, but if you show up an hour early you’d “probably get on the bus”. So you’re telling me there’s probably tickets left, your system just don’t allow for a sale? Alrighty then.

Are we gonna get up at 5.30 and get a taxi to the bus station for a “there might be tickets” in Cuba? No, of course we’re not. Instead we organise a taxi with our landlady. Obviously a bit pricier, but needs must if we want to get through our entire itinerary.

At least it’s a convenient way to get there. Right? Well, the taxi was a solid 90 minutes late. NINETY MINUTES. For a pre-booked taxi. I’m used to careless timekeeping in Malta, but that is outrageous. Not even a slight “sorry for keeping you waiting for a whole football match”. At least we got a high-speed road trip across Cuba.

We said: reserve, not book

As soon as we touch down in Santa Clara we’re rushing to the bus station. We’re gonna get those fucking tickets, yo. We arrive at 16:15, only to be told reservations closed at 16:00. “Come back tomorrow”. Of course. At this point I’m only a tiny bit annoyed. But we come back the next day.

-We’d like two tickets to Trinidad, please
Sure. You can put your names on the reservation sheet here
– Sweet. How much is it?
You can pay when you get the tickets on the day of departure
– Hmm. We’d like to buy the tickets now?
Just write your name down and show up here tomorrow 40 minutes early
– And then we get on the bus, right?
You should, yeah. Just come early

Are you fucking kidding me? Why can’t you just fucking sell me the ticket right now, then? I get that your country isn’t that developed, but this system is just deliberately dumb. Instead of selling tickets to customers willing to pay and ensuring the bus is sold out, you let people occupy spaces with a no-payments-needed reservation system they might not show up for? How do you not realise how fucking retarded that is?

Cubans ride horses and bulls, their statues ride roosters

We show up the next morning, way early of course, only to see a queue as long as a bad year.
All expats/tourists, all in the same situation. People shaking their heads, flabbergasted at the inefficiency of this insane system. It’s like they do it just to piss people off. But at least we got on.

First thing we did in the new town was to reserve bus tickets for four days later. Back at the house we stayed the owner told us we’d go crazy if we wanted to do that stretch by public transport.

He probably just wanted to make commission on the taxi we booked, but he made a convincing argument. So here we are, occupying two bus seats without paying, that we didn’t use. Gee, if only there was a better system to prevent these kind of situations…

Once we got into the taxi we learned that we’re picking up another couple on the way. And oh, it wasn’t four hours. It was six (plus stops). Seven hours in a small car with strangers. Hearthands. I love confined spaces and smalltalk with people I don’t know.

Other than that I’ve learned that there’s barely any convenience stores in the entire country, that Cubans don’t close their front door and that Castro is bigger than Jesus.

Cuba with taxi as main mean of transportation: 9/10
Cubas bus system: 1/10

]]> https://www.wondersoftraveling.com/2018/08/19/cuba-bus-system/feed/ 2 What they don’t tell you about Mexico https://www.wondersoftraveling.com/2018/08/02/dont-tell-mexico/ https://www.wondersoftraveling.com/2018/08/02/dont-tell-mexico/#comments Thu, 02 Aug 2018 03:39:47 +0000 http://www.wondersoftraveling.com/?p=1324 It’s all fun and games until you have to use the toilet. Or go outside. Or drive a car. Or do anything really.

Mexico’s been good. It’s a tropical paradise with friendly people and insanely tasty food. It’s a country full of funny little details, small things you notice from time to time. Like the fact that everyone seems to have one leg here. I think out of the 20 people I’ve ever seen with one leg, 18 of them have been here in Mexico. True story.

Or the fact that they don’t care about the environment at all. The more plastic the better. Why bother turning of your engine if you’re only gone for 5 minutes? Or the fact that if you’re over 1.80 you can forget to be comfortable in any bed, sofa or chair.

But these are just details, personality traits, small quirks that gives any country a certain charm. But there’s quite a few details that the travel bloggers and Pinteresters (can you say that?) conveniently omit when they talk about Mexico. Here’s some issues people don’t usually tell you about Mexico:

The toilets

Mexico, get your shit together. Literally. Going to the bathroom here is like playing Russian roulette. Every day you have a Mexican standoff with your porcelain pal. “Do you feel lucky, punk?”. Sweat dripping down your back, “please just let it flush this once, I promise I’ll go to church more.”

This joke of a sewage system must be a major factor in panic and/or heart attacks. Sometimes it won’t even flush pee for god’s sake. How do people live like this? We had 8 days straight with a working toilet that even flushed paper, and it was the best 8 days of the trip.

Of course, in the room for our last 4 nights we were met with those dreaded words again: “Please, no paper in the toilet”. Are you kidding me? Just sort your fucking sewage system out, yo.

The street vendors (and sellers in general)

Imagine going into a store. You’re pretty annoyed as soon as a store clerk is onto you and disturbing your peace. Now picture that sales clerk, on steroids, following you relentlessly. And there’s not one. Nor is there 5. They go as far as the eye can see. They all sell the same. It’s skulls, key chains, backpacks etc. And they all have the best price guaranteed. There’s no time to breathe.

Now I get that Mexico is a poor country. I get that people are trying to feed their families. But if you think harassing and nagging the customer constantly is the best way to sell a product you might need a refreshers course in marketing and sales. In Mexico they’re on you like a hawk from the minute they see you.

And trust me when I say that they see me. I’m two heads taller and two sizes bigger than the average Mexican male. I stick out like a sore thumb. Just leave me alone already. If I want your help, I’ll ask.

The weather

I thought the Maltese summers had prepared me for anything. They hadn’t. It took about 30 hours before I was longing back to that cool August weather in Malta.

Words can’t even describe how insanely hot and humid it’s been here the last 3 weeks. It’s not even enjoyable. I’d say “come down and experience it first-hand”, but I don’t wish that upon my worst enemy.

My great plan of wearing each t-shirt at least twice before doing laundry failed spectacularly. I had to re-stock my t-shirts on day three already. The long-sleeved shirt and the hoodie I brought for some reason? Threw them out that same day.

The temperature has been around 35 degrees with a solid humidity of 85-90% every single day. Don’t come to Mexico in July. Just don’t. It’s not worth it.

The seaweed season

The beaches here are lovely. White sandy stretches are flanked by azure blue water and green palm trees. It’s like a postcard. If the postcard was sent from a dumpster perhaps. Turns out that this time of the year is seaweed season. And boy is it in fashion.

Mexico — (Not the best picture, but all that brown shit is seaweed)

It looks like nature took a dump all over the place. And the smell, oh my god the smell. It’s like my t-shirt on day 2 of no laundry. Some hotels and beach resorts do a tremendous job cleaning it up and making the beaches accessible, but some places are beyond hope. Playa del Carmen was one of those places. It’s absolutely disgusting, and something to think about if you’re planning to come here in summer (which is low-season in Mexico).

The speed bumps

How many god damn speed bumps can you possibly need? Sometimes there’s two within 10 metres. Like you even have time to accelerate after the first one anyway. Because the speed bumps here are not the kind you’re used to, you know the long-ish bump you can gently cruise over if you just slow down a fair bit.

No, the Mexican speed bump is designed to ruin your car unless you do a full stop. Even on a road with a speed limit of 70 km/h will have the spawns of Satan along the way. And they come so often. Accelerate – full stop. Accelerate – full stop. Fuck off.

My favourites are the ones that aren’t indicated. You’re just cruising down the street minding your own biz’, then BOOM! Hit the brakes or be indebted for life to the car rental agency. Great system guys, keep up the good work.

Other than it’s been aight though. 7/10, would visit again.

Me, after a long day in the sun, when I finally see a good toilet.

]]> https://www.wondersoftraveling.com/2018/08/02/dont-tell-mexico/feed/ 9